First appeared in NewsBreak
By Aron Solomon
When it comes to family matters and domestic relations, family law covers a wide range of legal issues such as divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, and property division. Child custody seems to grow the most contentious year after year because it’s all about figuring out who gets legal and physical custody of the child after a divorce or separation.
Child custody disputes can get intense and messy, leaving parents and children emotionally scarred. But there’s another way to handle it – one that’s often far less hostile and more effective. Enter child custody mediation.
Child custody mediation is like a team effort. There’s a neutral third party who helps parents work together to create a plan for their child. Mediation is increasingly favored today because it has significant advantages over going to court. First, it’s less stressful and emotionally draining, especially in the broader context of a marriage ending.
Do you know those old courtroom dramas? Mediation is all about collaboration, not confrontation. Plus, it’s cheaper than going to court because the parents split the mediator’s fees. It’s faster too. No waiting around for a court date – the parties can schedule mediation sessions when it works best.
But even with all these benefits, some parents need to be sold on mediation. They think it won’t work or doubt their ability to agree on anything. But the research shows that mediation can successfully resolve child custody disputes. The American Bar Association did a study and found that 80% of parents who tried mediation reached a parenting agreement. That’s an awe-inspiring number, given how contentious the issue always is.
More people are heading towards a mediated settlement because it puts the power back in the parents’ hands. When you go through the court system, a judge gets the final say on custody matters. That means you must follow their decision, even if you disagree. But with mediation, you and the other parent get to work together and, with the proper guidance, create a plan customized for your child’s unique needs.
The mediator doesn’t make final decisions for the parents but instead helps them communicate and negotiate, which is historically lacking in most relationships that end in divorce. The goal is to reach a compromise everyone can live with and consider the child’s needs.
As family law attorney Joseph Russell observed, “Mediation is like a secret weapon for parents who want to avoid the stress and expense of going to court. It lets them collaborate on a parenting plan about their child, instead of leaving it up to a judge.”
Part of that secret weapon is that unlike court proceedings, which are often public, mediation allows parents to have open and honest conversations without the fear of their statements being used against them in the future. This confidentiality encourages open communication and can lead to more productive discussions.
Finally, compared to the more combative alternatives, the mediator helps facilitate communication and manage emotions during discussions. Mediators can support parents emotionally, helping them navigate the painful, complex, and complicated emotions of child custody disputes. This support can create a more constructive atmosphere, reducing conflict and promoting effective decision-making.
The bottom line is that done well, child custody mediation can be a game-changer for many families going through divorce. It’s a less combative and more effective alternative to court battles, giving parents a chance to work together on a plan that puts their child first. While mediation might not be the right fit for every case, the experience of many people in a child custody dispute proves it’s something worth considering.
About Aron Solomon
A Pulitzer Prize-nominated writer, Aron Solomon, JD, is the Chief Legal Analyst for Esquire Digital and the Editor-in-Chief for Today’s Esquire. He has taught entrepreneurship at McGill University and the University of Pennsylvania, and was elected to Fastcase 50, recognizing the top 50 legal innovators in the world. Aron has been featured in Forbes, CBS News, CNBC, USA Today, ESPN, TechCrunch, The Hill, BuzzFeed, Fortune, Venture Beat, The Independent, Fortune China, Yahoo!, ABA Journal, Law.com, The Boston Globe, YouTube, NewsBreak, and many other leading publications.